Yesterday was a DAY. Ya know… the kinda day where you’re trying to hang in there but honestly just wishing it to be over already?
The kids would not let me be. Somehow, they always seem to sense when I need space, and then do the EXACT opposite. They’re like the worst clingy significant other (times a trillion).
On top of that, Nick and I were not vibing. And when my road dawg — the only other person who fully shares and understands this particular parenting/life/adulting prison cell — doesn’t “get” me, I am truly lost.
Yet every time we tried to exchange words, it got yucky QUICK.
So when I asked Nick if he wanted to enter The Womb of Truth with me (a.k.a. our hot tub, where all secrets get revealed and brutal honesty becomes second nature), he politely (and wisely and thankfully) declined. Leaving me alone with my Maker and my La Croix for a good 30 minutes.
Fortunately, this was plenty of time to work my kinks out in a process that feels more familiar every day. I word vomit all my frustrations aloud as Jesus sits there next to me like a therapist, nodding and furrowing his brow with a knowing look. “Yes,” his eyes seem to agree, “those kids are real shit heads sometimes. Oh man, what a saint you’ve been these looong months while Nick’s been ill.”
And then, the tough love sets in. The gentle needling questions.
Jesus: Why do you think it’s been so hard?
Me: Oh, gosh. I dunno. I guess maybe I could be missing something…
Jesus: What promises have I made to you recently?
Me: Well, let’s see. You said you’d be faithful to show me the next step… that You’d fight my battles while I worship… that I can let go of the control because you’re turning my family’s hearts toward You…
Jesus: And when did you first receive those promises?
Me: In March, when I finally took the risk, jumped off the cliff and quit my work. But then Nick got sick and then he had surgery and he hasn’t been well since, and I’m tired. I’m SO tired. It feels like we’ve been under attack from thing after thing for months. I know it’s been Your Spirit sustaining me and keeping me afloat; I’m thankful, but I can’t keep fighting anymore.
Jesus: Do you think it’s a coincidence that this ‘attack,’ as you say, seems to have started at the time I made those promises and you jumped off that ‘cliff?’
Me: (radio static…)
Jesus: You’ve been waiting for these promises to be fulfilled — you’ve even tried diving into making them happen yourself when you’ve grown impatient. How did that work out for you?
Me: (evasive shrug)
Jesus: What I’ve said, I will do. But it’s time for you to stand up in some authority and start fighting back. You aren’t helpless against these attacks. Get up. Pray my Word. And what the enemy means for harm, I am already turning to the advantage of My kingdom. Stop trying to create answers. Just keep watching and be amazed — for what I’m about to do, you wouldn’t have believed even if I’d told you.
Me: Wow, that’s some mic drop shit, Jesus. Habakkuk, right?
Jesus: Yep. And you KNOW that’s real, because who EVER reads Habakkuk?”
Me: Seriously!
*Laughter all around*
Me: Ah, Bible humor. So great. Well, I can’t leave Nick hanging at the kids’ teeth brushing time. Guess I know my next step.
*High fives*
Exit The Womb of Truth.
